I Don't Know What To Say

"The night has gone

A part of yesterday

I don't know what to say...

I don't know what to say...."

-"The One That You Love", Air Supply

I've been a very bad writer. *looks guilty*. And it isn't because of the chocolate chip I stole from the cookie jar. You thought I was going to say supermarket, didn't you? >_> I'm not that bad.

Why am I bad, you ask? Well, *shakes head* first of all, I've been neglecting you - my dearest blog! I missed you so much but I had a great big bout of writer's block and...well first let me give you a great big squeeze! *gives blog a great big squeeze*. What I was going to say is that for about two weeks now I had this great er...where's my dictionary? vehement despite against writing. Pourquoi? Why would I, a blogger on writing, suddenly hate (I'm sorry, that's a strong word...vehemently despise) writing? Well. I think it began with my creative writing club. (If this was a TV show, you would see me looking up to the ceiling very philosophically as the image blurs and we go back in time to a memory. Think that 70s show when Fez [sp?] dreams about being awesome). (And yes I know I just used an adverb).

I told the leader of the creative writing club (aka a teacher at our school who is going to get her book published, and not self-published, might I add) that I was going to join ABNA. Maybe. And I heavily stressed on the maybe. She offered to look at my pitch and help me out (mind you this was two weeks ago) and I was all like, "Yeah, thanks. But I might not join." And then she went on rambling about beta readers like I didn't know what they were (of course I know!) And I don't think she got the idea that there was a great possibility I was not going to go in the contest. So then I'm feeling like I don't want to write a pitch anymore because, really, I don't know. I mean, I was going to have help! Great, experienced help at that! But the reason for my reluctance is that I hadn't began editing my Nano at all. And I stress at the at all. Maybe a couple paragraphs, yes. But that was in December. And when I read it back then, I was thinking to myself, "WTF did I write in November? Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll have fresh eyes." So when I got home that very same day, I looked at it again - the first few paragraphs of my Nano - and it looked the same to me. Utter rubbish. So I'm feeling pretty bad now (sorry, I sound like a rambling teenager, and not a sophisticated writer, but I need to let this out) because, did I not add, ABNA was accepting entries THAT VERY DAY. So (sorry for the many usages of that word) I was getting stressed and feeling crazy and delirious, like the Chesire Cat up there (does he creep you out as much as he creeps me out?) I was all like, okay, I'm going to do this. I'm going to edit this bad boy (or maybe it's a girl?) and get it in submission before the time they stop accepting submissions (which is on February 7th). I know what you are doing. You are checking your calendars. You are saying, "But Vanille, it is already the 8th."

And here I hang my head down in shame.

Not only was I so irresponsible as to not warn the poor teacher to not worry about the pitch because I wasn't doing it, but I didn't edit sh*t (sorry for that, I'm stressed). Now, I had excuses. For example, the creative writing club only meets on Mondays (to my knowledge). The next two Mondays after that (including this one) we didn't have school. But there was no excuse for not going to her the other four days in a school week and saying it straight up. Now, my english teacher (whom I shall from now on name Mr. English Teacher) is like THE BAD TEACHER. You know, those notoriously strict, mean, unmerciful teachers. Yeah, we have one. And me and my friend were partnering up for a project I don't know if I mentioned before. We have to make 6 commercials, 3 for Merchant of Venice and 3 for Romeo and Juliet. Now, we have to write scripts, we need actors, and we need to edit this thing by the 23rd. So most of lunch was occupied with that. Then, my biology teacher is relentless and will keep giving us labs and homework. Then I have all my other homework and tests and memorizing two soliloquys for Mr. English Teacher. And to top it all off, I am pretty sure the guy sitting next to me in geometry likes me, but I don't like him at all. How do I know? He asked me if I had a boyfriend, to which I replied, no and I don't want one because they distract me from my academics. And he made that disappointed face. GRR. For some reason, I absolutely despise guys who like me. I don't know, probably because I have to break their hearts. So I'm going to have to get my other guy friend (who just so happens to like me too, my friend tricked him into confessing. It was apparent anyways) to warn the guy sitting next to me not to waste his time on me because I will not give him the time of day. So now I have all this going on and then writing is about the least important thing on my list but for some reason I feel so guilty about it. Then, I didn't rewrite the 2K for the club. I need work on dedication. In fact, I didn't write anything at all. I avoided the Nanowrimo, ABNA website and this blog (sadly) like the plague. I even relented to critique my poor critique buddy's chapter after she's waited all these weeks for it. GAH! I'm so bad.

Now you see. And then I still find myself procrastinating - watching movies, TV, playing chess, playing solitaire, staring at the ceiling worrying about everything. So I blamed writing for all my troubles and I just wanted to avoid anything writing related. I still am, but I'm trying to recover. I just need a BREAKK!! Thus my great big bout of writer's block. Errrggghh.

Yes, I'm very bad. And I'm sorry, but there is not going to be a post about writing advice today. The only good news is that I read up to 400 pages on Crime and Punishment, which means I can do my book report and get extra credit. It's actually a very good book. I just don't feel up to telling advice to writers when I myself feel so...not-writer-ish. That would be hypocritical of me to advise you on how to get out of writer's block, when I'm in such a serious bout myself, with no way to get out. Maybe when I do get out, I can tell you my secret. And that won't be so hypocritical. So, sorry. Maybe writing is the cure for this. Maybe I have all this boiled inside me and writing is the way out. But when I tried writing the 2K earlier today, I ended up writing the lyrics to Help! By The Beatles. Oh. *sigh*

I end this on a sigh. Now, I must get to my biology extra credit. What a nerd am I. But I just cannot, cannot write. It's even painful to write this. What is wrong with me?! Maybe in another few weeks, I will be okay. I'll try posting on you, blog. I will not let you go so soon. Maybe in the future, I can look back on this and laugh. Hahaha. My friend laughs when she's nervous. Hahaha.

If there is a psychologist out there, can you pleeease, help me, help me, help mmeeeee..oohhh

After the Break (hopefully it won't be a long one),

Vanille

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task." ~William James

(P.S. I have about 5 plot bunnies circling my head, and I'm afraid I can't write about them just yet. So here's the only advice for today - advice I'm going to use myself, too. When you have a lot of plot bunnies, write them down in a notebook. Ha. I'm afraid I didn't give very good advice, if you are a writer, you would already be doing that without my advising. Okay, I'll stop now.)

VIVA LA VIDA.
....

Okay, that came out of nowhere.

I'll stop now.

Don't Turn Back Now That We're Here

"Heart don't fail me now!

Courage don't desert me!

Don't turn back now that we're here"

-"Journey to the Past", Anastasia

That list up there could be further from the truth. I wish that was my schedule, you know, surviving meaning eating, watching TV, snacking, reading, then going back to bed. But no, there are so many things to do that - I shall quote my twitter, "I want to do so many things at one time that I end up worrying about which I should do first and result in doing nothing at all." Yes, that is how I'm feeling, dear friends. I'm sorry I haven't properly greeted you, so Bonjour! And hello. I'm sure you were afraid I was going to have that two month absence that could possibly happen, yes, I was afraid of that, too. But here I am. Of the things I worried about doing, I decided to do this first. Well, let us get updated.

The Things I Want To Do All At Once That I End Up Not Doing At All/ The Things Worrying My Mind

• I stil haven't written the 2k I was going to write again. I know! God has given me two weeks to make up for it and I don't do anything but worry!
• I finally critiqued that mess of a story for my friend because I agreed to. Have I not told you about my critique buddy yet? Long story short, I critiqued her query and she was so happy with my harshness (it was not a pretty query) she wanted me to critique her whole novel, and because I saw some sort of story in the midst of the horrible grammar and punctuation and sentence structure of her critique, I agreed. I told her in my query critique that you want your query to be good, so it will reflect your writing. Well, her unrevised query just about did reflect her writing. I will be talking about one of her mistakes today. But all in all, she's a good person, really, and I like her. And I don't mean to be mean to her, I even consider her as a friend (well, we are on Facebook). So all is not completely lost.
• All the projects. To name a few, I have to make three commercials avec mon amis and that won't be pretty because mon amis get easily distracted, and that distraction resulted in an F on a previous assignment. God help those too trusting! The commercials are supposed to be about The Merchant of Venice, which, after putting on a production of the play with my stuffed animals as characters, actually makes sense to me. Allow me to quote my twitter (again) - "Merchant of Venice isn't as confusing as I once thought...thou hath not as confuddling as ere...I don't think I said that right". Then I have to think up another (stupid) science project. Then I have to research my health project, which is going to be on thyroids (my mom, uncles, and aunt has it, so I'm scared). And then I have to write a story book in French about things I do and don't do in the seasons (par example: J'aime mangez en hiver, mais je n'aime pas nager en hiver [translation: I love eating in winter, but I don't like swimming in winter]). Grrr.
• I want to join ABNA. I'm thinking of submitting my nanonovel, you know, for the heck of it. Problem: I haven't edited TROAP at all, don't have a pitch ready, or anything else. Ah, well. I've been meaning to do that. BIG PROBLEM: Submissions are in TWO DAYS.
• I actually liked Crime and Punishment. Me and Raskolnikov have something in common: We're going insannnnnnnnneeeeeeee!! At least I didn't murder something, though my grades are in jeopardy.
• Get my friend and other friend presents because it's their birthdays!! AHH

Okay, so that's all that has happened. Those are my concerns. Okay, I'm going to make a schedule RIGHT NOW. (Schedules always make me feel safer).

1. After this post (which was also in my to-do list), finish my bio hw and try to read some of the chapter on taxonomy
2. after bio hw, start the french project. but don't expect to finish it all today (it'll come out sloppy)
3. After getting tired with that, conscience should be somewhat calmer. Do any other hw that I have forgotten.
4. Start editing TROAP and start 2k
5. Sunday: Wake up early and cont. edit TROAP and finish 2k
6. If don't finish TROAP by tomorrow, that's okay, submissions still open
7. Get done with all hw today so have time to do all this writing business tomorrow!

Okay, that has cleared my mind somewhat. So, back to the true topic of this post because you all don't really care about my insanity...

The Series of Actions Disorder...dun dun dunnn...

Okay. So as I mentioned, my critique buddy has a problem with this. Allow me to give an example and you try and figure out the problem (hint: the title of this section)

Lila walked to class. She sat down and took out her notebook. The teacher was hairy like a monkey and he sounded like one too. He was Mr. Gorilla, the science teacher. Lila felt like falling asleep. Then when class was over, she walked past a hallway of students and walked into her next class that smelled like peppermint and oil. After school, she went to her car and turned the window down, glad to be out of school, aka, prison.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS?! It was something I saw frequently in my partner's WIP. A character who goes to one class, then to another (I can't reveal any specific details or excerpts since I agreed not to show any of her work to anybody...and I'd like not to be sued, thank you very much) and then to the other. Then she did this, ate this, walked here, sat there. Chit-chatted here then walked there. Oh, quelle horreur! Not only did it not develop the plot or give us any indication of the character's personality, but it was just BORING. You know, I don't care if your MC has science last or if the science teacher's name was Mr. Gorilla (a name that bears a lot of resemblance to my english teacher's). I don't care if she ate pie, but never ate the crusts because she didn't like crusts. I honestly don't care if she grabbed a banana and realized she didn't like bananas and threw it in the garbage. Imagine reading pages of this robotic action! Yikes, indeed, my good friend. I said something about that, in my honest harshness that is neither overly cruel, and certainly not overly sugar-coated.

Now I ask you, my friend. Do you read this when you are editing your WIP? Think closely about it. How much pain did you suffer reading my own crude example up above? Yes, imagine that and reconsider what you are writing. I daresay, if your book was in the library and I picked it up because the book cover was nice (which I should immediately stop doing and I will tell you why in another post) and decided to skim the first few pages. If, my friend, your first few lines were those lines up above, I would surely put your book down and take care to avoid it in the future. And you don't want that, do you? Of course, I can only speak for myself. But I am so certain that agents would do the same, I would bet actual money on it.

Also, there was another irk I had with my partner's manuscript, and that was...

Unnecessary Details...*shark song*

There was a lot of a emphasis on what the character was wearing. Not only was there particular care into describing what the MC was wearing, but it was depicted in the way up above. Yes, you guessed it...a series of actions. (Example: I put on my purple shorts. I wondered what would go well with this, and I decided on the rainbow striped tank top. Then I put on my orange shoes, and voila! [Sidenote: I advise not to wear this outfit, not in this era, good friend]). Also, there was an emphasis on the specifics of the shirt. Like, it had a picture of Dora the Explorer on it. Unless your character is dressing for a particular reason, for example, she finds herself in Antarctica and I take great effort to describe to you exactly how many layers of clothing she put on. You see, not only do I show you that it is extremely cold outside, but I also give you a sense of what is appropriate to wear in Antarctica (which in that case, would not be purple shorts and a rainbow striped tank top).

I made this mistake in my early writings - too much emphasis on what my characters were wearing when really it didn't matter at all to the story. Nowadays, I would only mention what my characters were wearing if...

• My FMC is going on her first date with love interest and it matters what she is wearing and how long it took her to choose that outfit because she is striving to look her best
• Or I would mention beforehand my character is wearing a scarf (maybe the scarf is blowing in the wind and hits her in the face or something) because later on, it's that same scarf that saves her life (Not sure how, but anything's possible).
• Attire has something relevant to event (i.e. a mask in a masquerade)

So I hope you got something out of that. Remember, what I'm saying isn't right and it isn't wrong either. I'm just telling you something to consider and think about. Maybe, it will even help you out. (I could be the next Shakespeare, Just kidding! Oh, am I jesting.)

Au Revoir, my good friends! Remember, I go to school now and cannot update you as regularly as I used to.

After the Break,

Vanille

"I try to leave out the parts that people skip." -Elmore Leonard

I'll Give It To Someone Special

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

The very next day, you gave it away,

This year, to save me from tears,

I'll give it to someone special."

MERRY CHRISTMAS. JOYEUX NOEL. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS

'Cause I'm just that freaking colorful.

Anyways. Merry Christmas invisible people. I had an okay Christmas. I'm growing older (we'll talk about that later) and have lost the Christmas spirit. Christmas songs just don't entice me anymore. My lazy family was too lazy to put up the Christmas tree. Christmas commercials are cute, but they don't conjure that warm-hearth-chestnuts-creepy santa-snowman image anymore.

*sigh*

I'm getting old.

What happened? Well, as for my Christmas gifts, I got two CDs of the Beatles ( <3)

Now that I'm finished talking about my life, I have to confess a couple of things.

First off, I still sleep with a teddy bear. His name is Beethoven the Bear (see previous blog http://www.trespasse.blogspot.com/). He has white, cheap, fur, red soles, an unraveling polyester red bow, and a deformed face that lops to one side, I believe the left. If you hadn't figured out yet, he's from the Dollar Tree. But I still love him anyways. Before I fall asleep I rub his hand for good luck. It works...most of the time.

Next, I've been really interested in the publishing world lately. I've been reading agent's blogs...specifically Nathan Bransford and Janet Reid. Two both very talented literary agents. And I have to make a confession (the whole point of this whole thing). When I grow up...I want to be... a literary agent! Now don't scream, you'll make me more deaf than I already am. Though you are probably thinking, wait? When I grow up?This leads to my next confession.

I'm 14. Yes. That means freshman in high school. Now, why am I confessing this? Because this whole blog is going through a makeover. That's right. It's going to be more like a What I learned blog, rather than a useless rant of what's going on in my life. That's why I was so quick to go over my Christmas. I could rave on about the magical deliciousness of See's candy. Or I could talk about the movie Avatar, which lived up to my expectations, though did not exceed them. No, I will be talking about what I learned about the literary world. Query letters, synopsis, agents, publishing, good websites. I'll cover it all. Later though.

You'll get to go through the process of learning avec moi (for those who are french ignorant: with me!) Why? Well, it may very well be that I may have another two month absense, but I just really want to talk about the world of writing. NOW NOW NOW. Just like I don't like to write essays, (which we'll go over later on *jots down on post-it*) I don't want to write about the thoughts that bumble about in my head (like, why are there people working on Christmas!? Firemen and policemen I understand, but at least give the fast food workers a day off. Even the lonely ones.)

I just want to learn more about this new, shiny world on how books are made. It's probably what lead to my desire to become a literary agent, something I'd enjoy doing rather than.... being a pharmacist. *face turns green*. That doesn't mean that I just want to be a literary agent to crush people's dreams or show the agents nowadays who's the boss, I just have developed this deep fondness of everything literary. Except literary essays. Essays are my bane. They will be the death of me.

I hope you understand. I'll be living my literary life here. You'll get to hear my excited news when I send off my very first query letter (exciting!) to when I get my very first rejection letter (...er...you live you learn!...). Maybe by posting what I've learned here will help me better understand this brand-new-book smelling world (if you don't know, it smells a lot like toothpics and the back of small bookshops). Through the eyes of a 14 year old, of course. We have to be new and fresh! That doesn't mean I'm changing the blog name. Or my pseudonym. I like both. And besides, What I Learned isn't as exciting as The Last Laugh en francais, now is it? (And I know I'm supposed to put a squiggly accent there, but I don't know how on this old keyboard so just imagine it!)

As for moi...

Nanowrimo. I left you with my last post that I will be treading through the Nanowrimo mountain for the very first time! And I reached the summit with...50,601 words was it? Yes. As for my nano book, which will remain by it's initials here - TROAP. I aimed to edit it, make a query letter for it, wish it well and send it off like a proud parent sending their stupidest, er, not the most intelligent child to college in the best wishes they won't be trampled by elephants. Er, yes. But after I tried to edit it, I...and here's the climax, got BORED WITH IT. Yes, bored with it. Absolutely the worst thing I could say, now could it? Oh, well. Not as worse as being thoroughly disgusted with it, I lit it on fire. Which is quite impossible since, in order to do that, I would have to burn my whole laptop (lovingly named Toshishi, don't ask.). *Sigh*. The writing was too hurried. I'm afraid the Create Space Free Proof Copy will have to be for another, book, for I can't stand reading TROAP right now. Maybe next time when I have fresh eyes. So do I plan to let it sit there? Idly standing by as I write my next novel, which I will NOT LIGHT ON FIRE because it's going to be written with time and care. That is not called procrasination, though I haven't written a darn thing since two days ago. Anyways, I like this new one much better. I think there are more stakes involved and some actual, solid reasons for my character's actions. It's eerily a lot like The Little Mermaid, Anastasia, and Avatar put together. But back to the question...

ABNA

If you remember my last, died-too-young blog, V Blase, I was about to enter in the second annual Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest. I never made it past the pitch stage. Confound that confounded pitch! I still don't know what it is or what's supposed to be in it. *Is throroughly confuzzled*. Maybe I'll learn. *raises a knowing eyebrow*. I hope that eyebrow thing didn't scare you off. You know what's scary? Santa Claus. He breaks into people's houses, if not by chimney then through your back door. He invites children to sit on his lap. He says, "Ho, ho, ho!" way too much. And he knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sakes! But I digress...

TROAP will have the honor of going through ABNA. I will quick edit it, write a crude caricature of what's supposed to be a pitch. I know what you're thinking - what's the point? What's the point?! The point is that nothing's at stake. What if I make it through the pitch stage (whoa, how did I do that?) but don't make it past the excerpt. That will make me feel good. And why the heck not? Janet Reid said make mistakes, make many mistakes. So, this may be a mistake. But what the heck do I have to lose?

(If this is in the color aquamarine you know it's got to be important: QUERY TIP: QUERY WIDELY! Don't limit yourself to a select group of agents. Nobody's going to arrest you, most agents go by email, so everything's basically free. That's what I'm going to do - query widely. Though, I'll try to keep the agents I query somewhere around my genre.)

Well, about my age.

I know agents are wary of young people. Nathan Bransford talked about young writers below the age of 18 on his blog. But he never said if he represented them or not. I'm not sure if I should include this in my queries or not. I'll learn once I get my novel finished! (Currently, it's around 2,000 words... -_- And I haven't even introduced the antagonist yet. GAH I'M BEHIND). Though, he also talked about those diamonds in the rough. (insert that one scene from Aladdin here). I hope I'm a diamond in the rough. I know they don't like young people because most show immaturity. Some don't know how to write. Some don't know how to spell. For example:

Modele:

Like, omg! I'm fourteen and I luv writing! Mabey ill get published! My novels freaking awesome of corse it will. I won the spelling bee in second grade. I'm already a freaking star, bby! Purple is my favorite color!

Or something along those lines.

Once I find the exact post somewhere in cyberworld, specifically http://www.querytracker.com/ I'll post it.

As for now...

Not all of us are like that. We are not all like, OMG, I'M PAINTING MY NAILS PURPLE. Some of us are actually very talented, like Australian Steph Bowe whose book will be coming out in 2010. (CONGRATS! You represent the young writers who can actually write! *proud*). She's that success story I hope I will get to become. *sigh*. Daydreamer here...

Anyways, if agents won't even look at our work just because we're under the age of 18, I think that's pretty messed up. Now, I'm not naming names. In fact, I don't know any agents who do that, though I'm getting this weird you're-too-young-grow-up-and-become-experienced-then-contact-us-then vibe that I don't really like. If I am to gain experience, shouldn't I gain it now whilst I'm young and vibrant? (er...scratch the vibrant part). This is something I will be debating: whether I should or shouldn't put in my age. When I query Nathan Bransford, I definitely am because he says specifically to do so if we're under 18. As for the others (remember, I'm querying widely!) I'm not sure. I'm leaning towards yes though, because I shouldn't be ashamed of my age, right? I just don't want them to judge me early on. I want to be compared with the adults, I want the agents to be truthful when they send me those rejection letters. I don't want them all soft, all you're too young sweetie, get a bit more experienced and try again. I already know that. My competition are the adults, not the other kids in the spelling bee.

I've rambled too much. Join me later on for cliches I'm noticing, and my views on self-publishing. They're from a fourteen year old and from me, so you know it's got to be interesting. :P. I'll be putting up a sidebar link to all the websites I've really found useful so far and other things writing related.

Happy Writings!

After the break,

Vanille

& HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS

just in case commercialism has made us forget...